Blast off for action with the galaxy’s sexiest space pirates? Why yes…I’d love to. You know, it’s sort of hard to describe the feeling that I used to get as a young man back in the mid 1980’s when I would stumble across a new, cheesy, exploitation title in the video store. Particularly if it happened to star the sexy trio of Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley, and Michelle Bauer.
Virtually anything that was directed by David DeCoteau, Fred Olen Ray or Jim Wynorski was a guaranteed winner in my eyes. Well, guess what? I experienced that feeling once again when I popped TFO Productions’ Planet Of The Vampire Women into the dvd player last night.
This movie was so much fun. The sets were cheap looking but in an awesomely retro sort of way, and that old school theremin music was just what the doctor ordered to set the campy tone that a fleshy, fright, flick like this needs. You may not know what a theremin is but I guarantee you’ve heard one before. They were used quite often on the soundtracks of those old sci-fi/horror movies of the 50’s and 60’s, such as The Day The Earth Stood Still and it’s used here to wondrous effect.
Director Darin Wood delivers a low budget science fiction treat that really packs a punch…albeit a ridiculous, b-movie punch, but isn’t that why you rent a movie like this in the first place? Well, for that and the nudity of course. Produced by Christy Savage and Amy Slockbower, Planet Of The Vampire Women has that same aesthetic sensibility that a movie like Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity had back when I was bringing these puppies home from the video store on vhs. The actresses are as adept at delivering well-timed, hilarious dialogue as they are at…well, just being plain old hot!! Especially, pleasure-clone Astrid Corvair played by an actress Stephanie Hyden. She changes costumes and her look throughout the movie with a sexy flick of the hip that has to be seen to be believed. I am quite proud to have this future cult classic in my movie collection as I know it will get many repeat viewings. Want more info? Well, chump, I suggest you visit www.planetofthevampirewomen.com and pick yourself up a copy. Hell! Pick up TWO!

B-movie Bonanza | No Comments »

Finally finished this art piece. Continuing with my homage to Ed “Big Daddy” Roth…it’s a Monster at the Door.

General art | No Comments »

Hoo boy, Nanook! I just watched the epic apocalyptic thriller, 2012. No, not that schlocky, big-budget, Hollywood nonsense with John Cusack in it. Hell, no! I’m talking about 2012 Ice Age baby! I even jacked up the a.c. in my house to heighten the frigid experience. Give me a second to thaw out my frozen tootsies and I’ll tell you all about it.

I’m not sure what it is that’s so gosh darn appealing about disaster movies. Clearly, they saw their heyday in the 1970’s with movies such as Earthquake and The Towering Inferno, but as we near that tell-tale disastrous date predicted on the Mayan calendar we’ve been seeing a real resurgence in the genre. In 2012 Ice Age, a volcanic eruption in Iceland sends a glacier hurtling across North America. What sets this movie apart from the rest of the pack is it’s remarkably likeable cast and the fact that it never slows down to veer into that maudlin, melodramatic schmaltz that tends to ruin these flicks for me. It’s pure frosty action from the get go.

It was nice to see Patrick Labyorteaux–who you may know from JAG but I couldn’t stop thinking of him as that dude from Summer School with Mark Harmon…or better yet, as that dude from Ski School. Nonetheless, he’s a very charismatic and likeable lead. He drags his family by car, van, plane…you name it, to get to his daughter in New York. Julie McCullough (Mike Seever’s girlfriend from Growing Pains) is his equally strong wife and really does a nice job in this glacial, wintry epic.

The special effects are shiveringly well done and there’s even some nice laughs thrown in here and there. A disaster movie that’s well-paced and reaches a tense, over-the-top climax at the Statue of Liberty; 2012 Ice Age is a thriller that delivers and, better yet, shows the world what we Minnesotans have known all our lives…driving on ice during a blizzard can be a real bitch. Uff-dah, ya you betcha. Pick it up from The Asylum on June 28th.

B-movie Bonanza | 2 Comments »

Sitting around listening to The Ghastly Ones and making some more monster art. I would imagine the Wolf Man would be a pretty damn good drummer. Don’t ask me why…just seems to me that he would be. Started out simply sketching a werewolf and it turned into this.

General art | 1 Comment »

I’ve been doing some abstract painting on this old door. The plan is to do three paintings to fit behind the three glass panes. Turning out pretty funky so far, in my opinion.

General art | No Comments »

Paul Logan is an actor I’ve seen a lot of over the years. Maybe some folks wouldn’t recognize him from a delicious slice of Kraft American cheese, but they apparently don’t watch the same movies we do…that is, assuming you like this sort of thing as much as me. I first saw Mr. Logan in Andy Sidaris’ Return To Savage Beach back in 1998. Helluva good action flick with a hell of a lot of the trademark t&a one would expect from an Andy Sidaris flick. Since then I’ve seen him in everything from Curse of the Komodo to Mega Piranha. I’ve always thought of him as a competent lead actor but never have I seen him in a role so perfectly suited for him as in Ballistica! Ahem, let me explain…

If you’re a fan of those old school 80’s action flicks that featured actors like Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone or Dolph Lungren then I’ll bet you a dollar to a donut you’re going to like Ballistica. Here’s my issue with the majority of action flicks these days. Matt Damon as Jason Bourne…perfect example. If you ran into Matt Damon in a dark alley would you be afraid of his ass? Nope. Will Smith? Feh, not likely! I would confidently say that they aren’t nearly as threatening as the action heroes of the 80’s who could legitimately lay a beating on you that would put you into a coma. Enter Paul Logan. The guy is totally ripped, he carries big noisy guns, multiple people are getting beaten and slaughtered per scene, and it’s all done without clever cgi trickery. Well…for the most part anyway.

In the film, Ballistica is described as a hybrid form of martial arts combining weapons training and hand-to-hand combat that Damien (Paul Logan) is trained in. He’s not only a CIA Operative, he is a weapon. Hmmm, sounds pretty bad ass doesn’t it? In fact, he’s our government’s best defense against terrorism; in this case that involves “genetic implosion” —that’s right, I said genetic implosion! I’m not quite sure what that is but rest assured it’s not good. We’ve got some sexy ladies here, we’ve got some seasoned character actors you’re sure to recognize, such as Martin Kove and Robert Davi. But more importantly we’ve got a martial arts, action-thriller that’s guaranteed to make your butt pucker. So Bon appetit! It’s availabe on Netflix or you can pick it up cheap right here from our friends at The Asylum!

B-movie Bonanza | No Comments »